How to Talk Dirty in Bed An Expert Guide to Dirty Talk

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Don’t allow anything to hold you back from fully expressing yourself, totally seen and completely loved. Once you’ve mastered a few dirty lines, don’t be shy about experimenting with new words and phrases. It’s also a good idea to cover who wants to start, how to signal when you’re ready to be done, and any words or phrases that are off-limits. “Many people find dirty talk off-putting or embarrassing because they derive their definitions and expectations from porn,” she says.

What Makes It So Sexy?

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples. There are so many advantages to talking dirty in a long-distance relationship, and it’s not just the obvious. “Daring to be vulnerable with each other, like you do when writing provocative things, can foster closeness, simply because vulnerability feeds connection,”  says Thomas.

What to avoid when getting started in dirty talk

Make those whispers enticingly hot and tell him all your naughty thoughts for him by slightly touching his legs and allowing your entrancing eyes to meet his. Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, recommends using your senses to describe what you’re feeling, seeing, smelling, tasting, and hearing. Here are some of Wright’s suggestions for what to say. Nicoletta Heidgger, a sexologist and host of the Sluts and Scholars podcast, also suggests reading or listening to erotica to get some inspiration. And when in doubt, you can always just narrate what’s happening in the moment, Cordingley says.

Playful exchanges and seductive promises turn every moment into a thrilling countdown to a passionate rendezvous, intensifying the connection and excitement between partners. Dirty talk is any form of sexually charged or explicit speech that is intended to arouse and seduce someone. Within research it is also known as “erotic talk” or “sex talk” and it covers all communications that happen exclusively during sex and about sex. While some things may offend your partner(s), other comments might be just plain confusing.

It is important to note that clear communication, consent, and respect are vital to ensure that all individuals enjoy dirty talk. Therefore, it’s super beneficial to carve out some non-sexual time to engage in an open conversation about boundaries, desires, and limits. Research shows that people who are more comfortable talking about sex in their everyday lives have more satisfying sex lives. If you never talk about sex, it’s not necessarily going to be any easier getting chatty in bed, so don’t shy away from talking about it with your partner at other times. No need to channel a porn star right out of the gate.

• But aside from the fact that you might get stage fright and struggle to remember them in the heat of the moment, if such phrases feel unnatural or forced, they’re likely not going to feel sexy.
• It’s a great way to make a long-distance relationship work, especially when combined with the plethora of incredible sex toys currently available.
• We would never say these things to one another in any other context, and this is especially true if we’re verbally playing out our sexual fantasies.
• In fact, it’s the perfect way to spice things up during sex if you have usually been very filthy and intense.
• I will also give you specific instructions on what to do and what not to do.
• Rather than trying to channel your inner porn star, use phrases that will feel good to you (and your partner).

This means you must abandon anything you believe about what it means to talk dirty. This is essential for you to be able to actually do it. It’s not supposed to feel like a chore, it is supposed to be fun and sexy and exciting for you, not something you agonize over and fixate about. That’s a great dirty question to ask your boyfriend to find out about his sexual past and interests.

Depending on your and your partner’s reactions, you might discover dirty things to physically explore later. Eros says incorporating dirty talk into phone sex is one way to get more comfortable with it. “You’ll soon start to realize what kinds of words, phrases, or scenarios turn you on the most,” says Eros. Indeed, research has shown that those who communicate pleasure during sex are more likely to experience sexual satisfaction than those who do not communicate.

It’s even been scientifically proven that dirty talk works to increase sexual pleasure and arousal in both men and women. Still, she stresses that the benefits outweigh the risks here. This one stage is where dirty talking is the most powerful. Introducing it at this point will rocket the tension and anticipation sky high, and cruise at altitude for the rest of the session.

As Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist points out, there are a few reasons your partner may have hesitations or a negative view of talking dirty. If you’re in a brand new relationship or with a new partner and haven’t talked dirty to one another before, you might not feel sure about how to start engaging in it. “Trust is one of the most important elements to any successful relationship, and believe it or not, dirty talk can foster better trust,” he says. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!